I realize

As I get older I notice pains that I have never had. I notice that my youth is going quicker today than it went yesterday and it will go faster tomorrow. But I try not to worry about these things instea I worry about the day and what I have to do to keep things going. Those worries are some of the things that contribute to my creative block. I am hopng by talking about them that I will force a breakthrough. I think it may be working, I seem to be able to work better today than yesterday.

Creativity seems to escape me at times but still i see signs of it nearby. I may miss it but I sense that I am getting closer. I feel the burn of it's absence in me and I yearn for it to fill me again. Hmmm. Funny choice of words, "Fill Me Again." Just as we occassionly need a fresh infilling of the Holy Spirit. A renewing breath from the Lord to carry us over the hard spots in life. Is there a connection? I think so. I know at these times I am often far from God due to my getting wrapped up in the worries of this life.

It is hard to seperate yourself from the worries of this life though. I mean you have a lot of people depending on you. The wife, the kids, the in-laws, friends and relatives, not to mention clients. Then there are the bill collectors and the tax collectors. ARRRRGGG!!! It is sometimes overbearing, all the people you have to work for and it seems so diffiult that most of them don't do much or you. Don't get me wrong, the wife, kids, friends and family all share love and are 0ften in the same boat that I am in but it is hard at times.

I am not meaning to whine, I am just very tired and beat. I want to do good for my family and loved ones...but I also want to do good for God. Often times I abuse His grace and forgiving nature to satisfy others. But make no mistake about it God does truly get all the glory for my life. His mercy and grace and love are what makes me. My creativity is from His divine nature.

But back to my realization from earlier...I need a fresh breath from the Lord and a renewed fire and I beleive that is directly affect my creativity.